


If I Were You, I Wouldn't Love Me

by Cathartic Pain (arsenicarose)



Series: DreamNotFound HURT Fics [5]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Feels, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Ending Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Emotional Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's just a lot of negative emotions, Letters, M/M, Podfic Available, Potential Emotional Abuse, Sad, Sad Ending, Set in the SMP, Unconfirmed Outcome, Unhappy Ending, goodbye letters, okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsenicarose/pseuds/Cathartic%20Pain
Summary: My Dearest George,I want to start this off by saying I love you. I know you have heard it before, but I needed to make sure I said it one last time. Iloveyou, George, more than you might ever know.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: DreamNotFound HURT Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051328
Comments: 22
Kudos: 64





	If I Were You, I Wouldn't Love Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [[Podfic] If I Were You, I Wouldn't Love Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29604480) by [The Reader (arsenicarose)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsenicarose/pseuds/The%20Reader). 



My Dearest George,

I want to start this off by saying I love you. I know you have heard it before, but I needed to make sure I said it one last time. I _love_ you, George, more than you might ever know.

I know it is hard to believe with everything that has happened since we first found this place together. I wonder, do you reminisce about those first days? Do you think back to the time when it was just you and me? I do. I miss it more than anything. I felt like I had you then. I don’t know if it was true or not, but I _felt_ it, and that’s all I needed.

I know I don’t deserve you, George. I know that. You deserve so much more than I could ever give. You deserve someone who can see past the ambition and power to help you with your needs. You need someone who can take the love you are able to give. You need real support instead of huge, ridiculous acts that are more about showing off than helping.

I don’t know who that person is, but I hope you find them. I just know it can’t be me.

You think I am so brave and so smart, so capable and untouchable, but I am not. I am not perfect. I am not invulnerable. I am not a god. Everything I did, I did for you, but it fell apart. I wanted to make a life for us together, but I pushed too hard, too fast, and you ran. I don’t blame you.

By the time you find this, I will be gone. Don’t come looking for me, George. I am as gone as it is possible to be. No one will be able to find me, and I am not coming back. Trust me, I am doing you a favor. I am setting you free. You are so much better without me. You’ll only be able to blossom and flourish once I am completely out of your life. So I’m gone.

I wish this could have gone differently. I wish I could have been better, been what you needed, what you _deserved._ My love is selfish and demanding. I kept you on the hook and wouldn’t let you in or let you go. I begged for your attention, but never followed through. I couldn’t be what you deserve. I tried so hard.

If I were you, I wouldn’t love me. If I were you, I wouldn’t let myself be tied down by someone as awful as me. I get it, and I don’t blame you.

So I will finish by saying it again: I love you, George, I really do, but it isn’t enough. I will never be enough for you. All I am doing is hurting you, the lands, and everyone on them. Things will be better for everyone when I am gone.

Please, don’t miss me.

Love,

Dream.

~~~

Dear Dream,

There was a celebration today. You are officially gone. Apparently, you disappeared, and there is no trace of you anywhere. I say apparently as if I didn’t search. It’s been months since I got your letter, and I ignored your request. I sought you out every day.

I think you’re dead.

You are cruel to the end. You won’t even have to hear my rebuttal. You just get to disappear or die or be free, and I am stuck here, abandoned, again.

Did you really believe that I thought you were perfect? Untouchable? Brave? Smart? I never thought that about you, or if I ever did, it’s completely gone now. You are the most fallible man I have ever met, and this just proves it.

They all knew about us. They all knew that I was yours. What am I now, without you? How can I find someone better when you indented my very being with your presence, and then left me alone in the mess of your absence? 

Who will trust me? They expect me to know where you are. They expect me to guarantee that you are gone for good, but you left me with nothing. Not even a real goodbye.

That’s the real issue here, Dream. You decided for me what would be best, and then you carried it out without even consulting me. You decided that I didn’t need you, that I didn’t love you, but I do. I really do… And deciding that your love is bad for me doesn’t take mine away. I couldn’t stop loving you.

I tried.

This is probably the worst thing you have done to me. I could have forgiven it all, and I have, but this? Dream you are despicable. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. You carved yourself a place in my heart, denied it was ever there, and left it to rot without you. How could you?

The worst of it all is that I still miss you. I think of you every fucking day, and I hear your voice echoing in the halls. Sometimes, I walk through the old places, the secret hideaways, the spaces that we made together, and I pretend that you are waiting for me.

It hurts me so much, Dream.

I don’t even know why I am writing this. As far as anyone can tell, you are really gone. We don’t know where you could have gone to, so they assume that you killed yourself.

Why would you _ever_ think I would want that?

I think this letter is me trying to let you go. Dream is gone. He isn’t coming back. He said he loved you, but clearly he didn’t, otherwise, he wouldn’t have left you here without him. He wouldn’t have penned a shitty goodbye in a _letter_ and then disappeared.

I will do my best to let you go now, but it won’t be easy. You have to have known that. Honestly, this feels like your last betrayal, your last stab in the gut. You weren’t doing this for me, you were doing it for yourself, so that you wouldn’t have to face up to reality.

I have to believe that you are dead. If you’re not dead, you are the worst person I’ve ever met, and I hope you find this, and know that I mean it.

I loved you so much, more than you’ll ever be able to know, but that’s gone now. You took it with you.

George

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, sometimes you are just listening to sad music and you bang out something depressing haha.
> 
> Inspired by "Despicable" by grandson. Good song, but VERY sad.


End file.
